Kuolleiden purjehduskenkien seura

Aug 8th 2007

Aamun avaus


Isoveljeni muistaa minua aina silloin tällöin lähettämällä vitsejä sähköpostitse. Nämäkin molemmat olin jo kuullut, mutta ne naurattivat silti. (Mikäköhän on se aika minkä täytyy kulua että kertaalleen (tai useammin) kuultu vitsi jälleen naurattaa?)

bq.. A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

Then, the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The conversation between the lover and the little boy goes like this…

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My Dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy: “$750”
Man: “That’s too much”
Boy: “”My Dad’s outside”
Man: “Okay sold”

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The Dad asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy: “$1,000”

The Dad says, “That’s terrible to over charge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m taking you to church to confession.”

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here…”

bq.. Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a highschool diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those who fly routinely in their jobs. After every flight Qantas pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

2 Responses to “Aamun avaus”

Jälkimmäinen on mannaa meille lentopelkoisille. :-)

Qantaksen lisäksi Finnairillakaan ei ole ollut onnettomuuksia, mutta ilmeisesti Finski ei sit oo major airline, höh.

Voi olla ettei ole. Tai ollut silloin kun tuo lista koottiin, se kun ei ole millään lailla tuore. Tosin en tiedä lasketaanko se majoriksi vieläkään.

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