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Apr 16th 2007

What If Toasters Had Operating Systems?


Windows toaster

The windows toaster looks nice, but sometimes it just won’t make toast, it either comes out burnt or raw, or it stops half way through. also, you have to unplug the toaster, plug it back in again, and wait 5 minutes each time you want to try and make some toast. For every loaf of bread you buy, you are forced to buy a license for a new toaster to go with it, and you will get sued if you let someone else have some of your toast.

MAC toaster

The MAC toaster has no settings or controls and it looks very stylish, but will only accept proprietary size bread which can only be bought from Apple main dealers at 10 times the price of regular bread. If it breaks you will have to ship it to a licensed repair shop for service. The toast is fine except that the size of the bread is so odd, you can’t actually eat the toast it produces, although it does look good.

Linux toaster

The Linux toaster looks awful, it has wires crimped together hanging out of it, and pieces grafted from other toasters. the first time you make toast with it it burns it, the next time its raw. But after you read the man pages and invoke the command line toast -verbose -breadsize 50132 -eject -o z3321 > /dev/toast | more it makes perfect toast forever and never breaks.


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