/dev/nikc/blog

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me.
4. I don’t do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”
6. I live in my own little world. But it’s OK. They know me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
10. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
11. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
12. Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
13. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
14. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words:
    “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!”

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